


Evolution

by DragonWannabe



Series: A Journey, in many parts [3]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Air Nomad Genocide, Angst, Because Uncle is a supporting character, Funerals, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insecurity, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Self-Esteem Issues, Uncle said you’ll get better but it’s kinda a journey you’ll have to do alone, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:15:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25907947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonWannabe/pseuds/DragonWannabe
Summary: At the palace, there are many rules to follow, with strict consequences for disobeying.There are no such outlines on theWani.
Relationships: Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Zuko & his crew
Series: A Journey, in many parts [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1806850
Comments: 28
Kudos: 273





	Evolution

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta’d. Please let me know if you see any glaring errors/something that I should put in the tags.
> 
> Alternate description: The first year on a boat makes Zuko gain confidence 
> 
> The implied child abuse is the same as the other installments of this series, in which it’s implied/explicitly stated that the Agni Kai isn’t the first time Zuko was harmed at the hands of an adult, but there’s no explicit depictions.
> 
> The first two installments of this series (Lessons/Teachings) fits neatly in this story before “After their first breathing lesson...” and that was actually supposed to be part of this one, but that was big enough for a stand alone scene.

The first thing he registered was how heavy his eyelids were. There was a quiet noise near him, and Zuko felt like he was hearing underwater. He tried opening his eyes, only for intense pain to shoot across his face, drawing a groan. The noise around him increased immediately, but still felt muffled. 

“Prince Zuko, you must rest. You have been through a terrible shock.” A low voice insisted. Zuko knew the voice was familiar, but could not place it. He couldn’t remember the terrible shock, but maybe it was related to the pain in his face. 

Bracing himself against the pain, Zuko opened his eyes, only to see a blurry man standing over him. The walls were unadorned and the bed small. A small flame flickered to his right. 

The man reached a hand towards Zuko, and all he could do was press against the too small bed and brace himself. The flame seemed more threatening and it began to grow, and Zuko couldn’t breathe. He shut his eyes and knew that what happened next would be unpleasant. He did not know how he knew this irrefutable fact. For every lungful of oxygen, Zuko was aware that he should be have two or three more to maintain control, but his lungs wouldn’t work and even if they did it would not prevent the pain.

The heat from the candle was unbearable. Without his permission, Zuko twisted away from it, only to be stopped by hands on his shoulders, keeping him pinned in place. He knew, he _knew_ what would follow, and Zuko was certain that he was begging. The movement of his body and his mouth caused agony to shoot throughout his body. The low voice from before was still speaking, and still it was muddied, unintelligible. Eventually it stopped speaking, and all was quiet. 

——

The second time Zuko opened his eyes, the pain was still there, but he was more coherent. He looked around the room, which was much smaller than what he was used to. The bed was lumpier, and the light was dimmer. 

He groaned. 

“Prince Zuko, are you awake? The healer said you were getting better.” Zuko’s uncle said. Zuko was confused. Why would his Uncle be with him when he was ill? 

Zuko felt empty. “Uncle?” he rasped. Iroh stood and bustled over to the table on the other end of the room. Zuko had to squint; there really was no light in here, and in addition his vision was fuzzy. 

“Nephew, save your strength and do not talk.” Iroh was holding a cup when he returned. “Please, drink some water. You have been through an ordeal.” He held the cup to Zuko’s mouth and he drank greedily. 

——

Zuko wasn’t certain how to act around his Uncle. Before it didn’t matter; Zuko knew the rules of the Firelord’s palace. Do not be seen, do not be heard, do not bring shame on the family, do not question orders, do as you’re told, show the Firelord the respect he deserves. Zuko tried to follow the rules to the best of his ability, but he knew each time he practiced his katas that he was bringing shame on the family. He knew his bending was inadequate, and he tried to compensate with his other studies and his swordsmanship, even if they were lesser. He knew that he had to work on thinking before he opened his mouth. Zuko would have to try harder now that Uncle was his Guardian. 

Now Zuko had to follow Uncle’s rules, and Uncle didn’t lay them out as clearly as his father did. There were no quick reprimands when Zuko said or did something he shouldn’t. There were no servants gently herding Zuko away from his father in the halls of the palace. There was no Azula to explain to him how exactly he had made Father angry during dinner. 

Zuko was trying to discover the rules before he broke them so blatantly he would require a correction. His Uncle didn’t seem like he wanted Zuko to follow all the rules that he had back home. Iroh would often encourage breaking the rule about not talking when he visited Zuko in the palace. He just didn’t know when it was acceptable to break that rule and when it wasn’t. 

Rule 1: _Uncle wanted Zuko to meet him for tea regularly._

He started breaking the rules when his Uncle forced him to drink the medicinal tea, away from the prying eyes of the rest of the crew. The first time, a week after his first fever broke and he was allowed to leave his quarters again, Zuko acted as though he were at dinner at the palace. Now that Uncle was stuck with Zuko, he couldn’t be expected to want to hear him talk. No, the childish conversations they had in the garden, with Zuko chittering about what scrolls he read and what Xi Lu brought him for a snack the previous night and how Poppy the turtle duck was building a nest wouldn’t be acceptable here. Even if those things were still accessible to him, he couldn’t talk about them anymore. Father didn’t want to hear Zuko mention them, and Uncle wouldn’t want to hear it either, not from a nephew that wasn’t even a child anymore.

Uncle asked a lot of questions, the first night. Any time he saw Zuko, he would ask how Zuko was feeling. Zuko knew this was a trick question. His Uncle explained the first time Zuko managed to stay awake that the Royal Physicians had done their best to clear away the damaged skin so the healing wouldn’t be interrupted. He knew that the infection that raged for a week was inevitable. He knew that the only healer on board was his Uncle, who had received strict instructions from the doctor that treated him back home, with bundles of herbs sent along. 

There was only one correct answer to how Zuko was feeling, and that was that he was feeling “Fine, Uncle. My head is even clearer than yesterday.” There was no additional help if his skin felt afire as new nerves grew in. He knew he was running a fever from some infection, and the smell of sweat felt so intrinsic to Zuko he didn’t know if it would ever leave. Even then, there was no excuse to let his Uncle feel as though he had wasted valuable time tending to a disrespectful nephew. Zuko would heal, and he would be grateful that his Uncle decided to accompany him into banishment at all, instead of trusting him to the crew.

He asked other questions too, like “Have you talked to Lieutenant Jee yet?” and “Did you learn about how the Fire Nation ships were run in your studies?”

Zuko avoided the crew. Uncle introduced him when he could finally walk around, but he was terrified he would undermine Uncle’s orders and overstep. He saw where overstepping orders got him, and while he was certain that Uncle wouldn’t be extreme, Zuko would have to be corrected.

Besides, he overheard one of the helmsmen talking about an insolent brat on board, and Uncle was in earshot and didn’t correct him. No, Zuko would be better and then he could deal with the crew without a mutiny. 

Zuko made sure to be polite and act proper the first time Uncle invited him for tea. He watched his tone and didn’t sound annoyed after the multitude of questions about how the ship ran. He averted his eyes and sat in proper seiza and didn’t shift even when he lost feeling in his feet. 

Uncle kept looking at Zuko with a calculating look, and when his cup was empty, Zuko had an uneasy feeling in his stomach that he had not behaved properly, even though it is what Father would have demanded, as the most respectful way for a ward to act with a Guardian. 

——

The third time Zuko choked down the medicinal tea, he was reminded of his failure to behave adequately and tried to incorporate some of the aspects of their previous meetings. He planned the entire day about what questions he could ask that wouldn’t be in bad taste. He still sat seiza, as he could only expect so much tolerance for informality. 

Uncle grinned in response and started spouting what he thought was wisdom, and Zuko thought was nonsense. He considered it a success. 

Rule 1 caveat: _Uncle liked it when he asked questions._ Zuko knew that allowance would be restricted to their quarters, but he was determined not to fail. 

——

“Uncle, does the crew know why I was banished?” Zuko hoped that his question wasn’t too impertinent. Maybe Uncle decided to tell them so they knew who they were following on the ship. So they knew when it mattered, Zuko would be a coward. 

“I have not said anything to them beyond that you were injured and that you are on a quest to find the Avatar.” Uncle didn’t seem angry, but neither did Father until he was furious. 

”Would you mind, uh, not telling them? I know it’s— it’s shameful, but I think it would be bad for their spirits if they knew.” Knew that they were following the orders of a coward. 

“Of course, Prince Zuko. It is your story to share, not mine.”

——

The first time Zuko knew he had sorely misstepped was when he and Uncle were on the deck of the _Wani_. Uncle was talking to Sergeant Huan about the course that they were to take to find the Avatar, and that the Eastern Air Temple was to be the first stop.

Zuko had spent hours pouring over the maps he borrowed from Lieutenant Jee. He knew the Eastern Air Temple was so far from the Caldera, and that the Western Temple was just outside Fire Nation territory. If they wanted to be efficient, they should have gone there first and seen what remained and if the Avatar was hiding there.

“Why are we heading towards the Eastern Temple first? The Western one is much closer! We shouldn’t be wasting time going in nonsensical order from temple to temple!” 

Uncle and Huan stopped their conversation, looking at the disgruntled thirteen year old, and Zuko stopped breathing. 

Uncle had given the order to visit the Eastern Temple first. Uncle was in charge of in the ship, not Zuko. He had just insulted Uncle. He had just insulted Uncle in front of a crew member no less. He would be _lucky_ to just receive a verbal warning after such a blatant display of disrespect. He hadn’t thought before voicing his opinion. He hadn’t thought last time either, and now he was on a boat where he refused to learn from his mistakes. 

He averted his eye, hoping that Uncle wouldn’t further damage the burn on his face. It was the same impertinent mistake, so it would be fitting if he did. 

“Nephew,” Uncle sounded like he was smiling, and Zuko risked a glance up to see calm eyes and a toothy grin, “The weather at the Western Temple is so hot this time of year! When we arrive at the Eastern Temple, it will be so cool and refreshing!” 

Zuko swallowed and nodded. Huan and Uncle started talking again, and Zuko tried to breathe. It was certainly the nicest rebuke he ever received.

Rule 2: _Don’t question Uncle’s orders in front of others._ He didn’t know how he had forgotten that one.

——

It took a month after the fevers before Zuko realized that there was never fire around him. He was not weak, despite what his Uncle thought. When he walked out of the room he was in, all bending ceased. He could smell the smoke in the air but any time he appeared, the source would vanish. 

This had to be his Uncle’s interference. When Zuko was coherent for the first time, he caused a flare up of the candle in his room to the point that it reached the ceiling. He may have been injured, but Zuko was not weak. He hadn’t produced his own flame since the Agni, but he still was man enough to be around other flames. Each time he mentioned restarting his training to his Uncle, Iroh kept offering placating nonsense. That training would resume when Zuko was healed. That until then Zuko could work on his breathing exercises. That Iroh would be his new firebending teacher and he wasn’t ready to start teaching yet. 

Zuko was concerned that if he didn’t prove he could still bend a flame of his own, he would lose the ability entirely. If he couldn’t firebend, he couldn’t even hope to capture the Avatar and bring him back to the Caldera. 

——

Six weeks after being banished, Zuko finally wore down Uncle enough to resume his fire bending training. He had taken care to ask when Uncle was playing Pai Sho with the crewmen or after stopping in a port when Uncle brought new trinkets. All times when he was jovial enough Zuko wouldn’t appear irritating.

Azula and Father always said Uncle was lazy, but he hadn’t realized just how lazy the man actually was. It was hard for him to reconcile that the Firelord and Uncle were related when they were so different. 

Where Father knew his station, Uncle mingled with the crew. Where Father punished back talk, Uncle offered a drink. Where Father refused to tolerate disrespect of any form, Uncle appeared not to mind when Ming teased him about being old. 

Zuko was hopeful that as different as Uncle was from Father, Sifu Iroh would be different from Sifu Sidzo. One did not become a master by being kind and gentle, but perhaps Uncle would overlook more minor mistakes, and only offer verbal corrections. 

——

After their first breathing lesson, Uncle started taunting Zuko. At first, Zuko dismissed it as Uncle being an old fool. The ridiculous ribbons he had purchased and was trying to pin on Zuko’s tunic were a one off. Demanding he play Pai Sho in front of the whole crew was just Uncle being too lazy to set up the second board Zuko knew he had in his room. The incessant questions the moment he left his room were so he didn’t have to endure any more shameful outbursts from his nephew. 

Not that Zuko understood how asking him about his favorite constellations was to prevent a pathetic display like he had shown during their lesson. Nevertheless, it was obvious Uncle was learning anything he could to prevent another incident. 

Nor did Zuko understand how him playing the tsungi horn would improve life on the ship. Uncle had to remember how much Zuko hated the lessons he had as a child. 

Zuko was learning to keep his mouth shut. Zuko _had_ to learn to keep his mouth shut. Even if he brought back the Avatar, that would only excuse the disrespect in the war room, not any future indecent behavior. 

Zuko was learning to keep his mouth shut, but he knew his irritation was evident to even Rizu, who spent all day in the boiler room instead of on deck and had to wear corrective lenses. 

Rule 3: _Don’t disrespect Uncle._

He had first broken it by flinching from Uncle during their lesson, and he knew that Uncle was generous enough to let the first offense slide with just words. He had done that when Zuko broke Rule 2. 

Each time Uncle asked Zuko something new, his face burned and he had to repeat Rule 3 in his head. 

——

Two months into his banishment, Zuko had to start letting the skin on his face breathe before reapplying the burn salve. The first few days he wouldn’t leave his room when the bandages were off, but eventually the crew would see his mark of shame. When he was on deck he glared at anyone who looked for too long. 

He didn’t tell Uncle that his eye wasn’t seeing anything and that his ear wasn’t just being muffled by the bandages.

——

Zuko broke Rule 3 within a fortnight of recognizing it. They were close to the Eastern Air Temple and what used to be the Air Nomad islands. He knew there was going to be a hike to get there. 

Uncle insisted on visiting another port for another shopping trip. He refused to leave Zuko behind on the ship, and ignored Zuko’s meager protests that he didn’t want to go with him. 

It was the first time the sun had seen his injuries without readily available burn cream, and it irritated the new skin on his face. He scowled, knowing that it was going to get worse, and Uncle was going to take his dear sweet time in the marketplace. 

They stopped in front of a stall that sold some... meat on a stick. Zuko didn’t know exactly what it was and he wasn’t overly enthused to try it out, despite the long line indicating the demand. Uncle insisted that he try one, and when they reached the front of the line, there was a family attending the stall. A firebender was roasting the meat as her husband tended to the customers. 

The older daughter looked like she was monitoring the fire that her mom was working on, and the younger son appeared to be a menace accomplishing nothing. 

“Nephew, do you see that pretty girl there?” Zuko did not know if pretending to ignore his Uncle would be considered disrespect, but he had never known Iroh to be _cruel_. Had he known this peasant girl would be here? Was that why he forced him to enter town without his bandages?

Lost in his thoughts, Zuko didn’t realize the need to stop his Uncle from speaking until the girl was already in front of him, looking at him with a terrified look in her eyes. He glared at his Uncle, who was trying to introduce them. 

“Ah! Miss Tuan, we are but passing through, but you should meet my nephew! Prince Zuko, this lovely young lady is Miss Tuan.” Uncle smiled, pleased with himself for humiliating the two teenagers. 

Zuko wasn’t an idiot. He knew what he looked like. A quick glance at her parents showed them trying not to pay attention, but even when standing in line the man’s revulsion at Zuko’s face as he was taking their money was a blow Zuko hadn’t been preparing himself for.

“Uncle, we have a mission to complete.” Zuko tried to keep his tone even. This was veering dangerously close to Rule 2. 

Uncle sighed, and wished the family a nice afternoon, dropping a few more coins on their counter for the trouble of dealing with the sullen prince. 

As they walked away, Zuko’s appetite was non-existent, and as Uncle raised the subject again, Zuko’s anger, which had been building since his lesson, boiled over. 

“Shut up! I know what I am, Uncle! I don’t need you to mock me in front of colony _peasants_.” Zuko spat, “You don’t need to parade horrified girls in front of me to make a point!” He could feel his blood pressure rising, and knew his face was flushed. Damn the consequences if he broke Rule 3; it couldn’t be worse than what happened to his face. He wouldn’t let Uncle humiliate him like that, wouldn’t let him desecrate the Royal Family like that. 

And if he didn’t want Uncle to put that disgust on an innocent girl’s face, well, he didn’t have to admit to that to anyone but himself. Her horror that she might be forced into doing something... that was unacceptable and low, even for a member of the Royal Family, let alone Uncle, who Zuko _knew_ was the kindest member left. He was used to Azula forcing her friends to talk him, but this exceeded even that. 

“Explain to me, Nephew, exactly ‘what you are’?” Uncle’s voice was deceptively calm. It reminded Zuko of when Father caught him working with his swords or other shameful activity. He glared at Iroh. 

“I know what I look like, Uncle. Even if this mark wasn’t _disgusting_ , the shame it represents is. I don’t need you to remind me of what a disgrace I am — Father was sure to leave no room for interpretation! That _peasant_ was _repulsed_ by it, by me!” Zuko breathed heavily, “I am already banished. I don’t need to humiliate our family anymore by consorting with commoners.”

Uncle couldn’t ignore this outburst like he ignored the other two. Finally the uncertainty would be gone from the ship, and Zuko would be able to anticipate his reprimands and determine if the consequences would be really worth it. 

Uncle turned away from him. “Let us go back to the ship. The crew should have acquired all the supplies we need to visit the Eastern Air Temple.”

Zuko was frustrated. What would it take to make Uncle mad?

——

Dinner was awkward. Every so often, Uncle would look like he wanted to say something, but he would just sip his drink and stay silent. 

Zuko stabbed a piece of onion-pepper with his chopsticks.

——

“You are angry with me. A corked bottle in the flame has only one path forward.”

Zuko looked up from his bowl and stared at his Uncle. Did he ever cease with his incessant words?

“Was it that she is not a noble, or something else that is bothering you?”

He clenched his teeth and took a deep breath. The lamp flickered. 

“I don’t need you to remind me that the only relationships I can possibly have are with someone who was forced into it.” The words felt like ashes in his mouth, that if he never admitted they were true, they wouldn’t be. 

He knew Mother didn’t love Father. He knew that if it weren’t for him, she would have left the Caldera. Even he wasn’t enough, eventually, to overcome her distaste for her husband. 

Zuko had hoped, in the future, he could have convinced his betrothed that they could have a friendship at the very least. He knew love was a nice fantasy. Endings like that only happened in spirit stories and theatre scrolls. Now he knew that he would just shame her. He knew that the best outcome would be mere tolerance. 

Even his sister only talked to him to make fun of him or lie. Her friends were forced to humor him at the behest of Azula. He remembered the mocking Mai had endured because of his crush on her. Father would only spend time with him if the Fire Sages insisted. 

Uncle was strongly encouraged to go on this journey with him, scarcely less than an order. Now that he was on the boat, he was the one who was forced to monitor Zuko, being the only one with a higher rank. 

“Prince Zuko, you must know that isn’t true.” Uncle looked impossibly sad. His experience with Lu Ten did not lend itself to understanding Zuko. 

Lu Ten was not perfect, but he didn’t have the sheer number of faults Zuko had. Lu Ten was kind. Lu Ten was patient. Lu Ten was a strategist. Lu Ten was handsome, someone who a consort would be proud to step out with.

“Open your eyes, Uncle! I’m not like your son! You would never have had to do to Lu Ten what I forced Father to do to me.” Tears pricked at Zuko’s eyes and he willed them away. There was no use in crying over facts. “Until I find the Avatar, I am nothing but a stain on our Family! Once I bring him back to the Caldera, Father will finally be proud!” _Of me._ was left unspoken. Father had plenty of pride in Azula. 

His face felt hot with shame. It was a unique kind of torture for Uncle to make him say the truths that everyone at the palace had known for years. It was cruel of Zuko to keep mentioning his cousin, but he knew that he was a replacement and not a very good one at that. It was better that Uncle realized that sooner than later, before his expectations could get too high, and Zuko had a longer way to fall.

He glanced at his Uncle, a hollow feeling in his stomach. Tears streaked down his cheeks. Perhaps now he had upset Uncle enough to punish him. Maybe now Uncle would realize what he was working with. 

“Prince Zuko,” Uncle’s voice was choked, with anger or grief Zuko couldn’t quite determine. “There is not a thing that you could do that would push me away. 

“Your father—“ He stopped. “Your father is a... strict man with high standards. You are not lacking as a son, nephew, or brother. That you believe you have deserved the treatment you have received is... unmerited. You are a learning child. How are you to grow if you are constantly overpruned?”

Uncle took a deep breath. “I did not have to be forced to be on this boat. I requested to be here. I am more grateful than ever I am here. Prince Zuko, I am always on your side, even if it not readily apparent.”

“Stop.” Zuko croaked. “You can’t just be so... nice all the time! I have been trying so hard to be good. I always — It doesn’t matter how hard I try.” He was making excuses. All the tension he was carrying drained out of him, and he slumped. His head hurt. He wanted this conversation to end. 

“What... what are the consequences of disrespecting you?” Better to just say it and have Uncle answer. 

Uncle sighed. “A punishment is to teach you what you did is wrong. You already know that you were cruel. What is the point of dwelling on it?” 

Was he just going to do nothing?

“I would like for you to learn the names of each member of this crew, and something about their role here. You cannot hope to lead if they are just a sea of faces. There is no deadline for when this must be done, but if you leave fruit on the vine for too long it will cease being sweet.”

That. That wasn’t a punishment. 

“Nephew, you are going to learn how to lead this ship. Let me tend to your face, and tomorrow will be a new start.”

Rule 4. _Learn everything about the ship and its crew._

——

After hiking for over a week, they finally reached the Eastern Air Temple. 

Uncle kept requesting breaks during the trek, and Zuko’s patience with him was wearing thin. Yes, he was old. Yes, they climbed a mountain. No, Uncle didn’t have to take a break every fifty minutes to tell stories. 

The majority of the crew was maintaining the ship, but Hai and four other crewman accompanied them. Not even Zuko avoided carrying supplies up the mountain, but he knew he was carrying the lightest ones. 

He wasn’t a child, but he wasn’t going to look an ostrich horse in the mouth. 

The bridges to the air temple were rickety and Zuko watched Uncle’s large form delicately step over them with what _wasn’t_ concern. 

Stepping onto the stone of the temple, Zuko was stunned by the sheer magnitude of the temple in the middle of nowhere. Certainly the Air Nomads didn’t build it by themselves. Perhaps they had threatened to take the breath away from some Earthbending prisoners until they built it for them. 

“Prince Zuko!” Uncle called our before Zuko could drop the items he was carrying and go looking for the Avatar. 

Zuko looked back, and Uncle smiled. “Let us find a good spot to set up our things and share a pot of tea before exploring.”

Zuko didn’t groan. Zuko did glare at his Uncle, but he followed him and the other crewmen to a large courtyard. A hearth sat in the middle and Siko unloaded the charcoal to create the fire they would use for the next few days. 

Uncle busied himself looking for a source of water, while the rest of the men started unpacking the necessities for their campsite. Zuko dropped the bedding he was carrying and pulled out his and Uncle’s things, leaving the other rolls for the men to sort out amongst themselves. 

“There is a fountain just on the other side of the wall over there.” Uncle pointed as he returned with a teapot full of water. Now that Uncle was back, Zuko was free to walk around the temple. He turned around to start exploring only to feel a hand grip his left arm. 

Zuko jerked his arm from the grip, a pitiful spark spouting from his fingertips. He whirled only to see Uncle looking at him. “Nephew, please, sit down with us. We must have a plan to look around, lest an unfortunate ... accident occur.”

Zuko flushed with embarrassment. Chastised like a little kid in front of his men! He stalked behind Uncle back to the hearth, where the kettle started to whistle. Uncle sat, preparing the pot of tea. 

The rest of the men had fished their bedrolls from the haphazard pile Zuko had left and placed themselves away from the royals. 

“What plans did you want to make, Uncle? I want to explore tonight before the sun sets. We also need to have someone keep watch tonight in case we are not the only ones here.” Internally, Zuko winced at his tone. It was wholly inappropriate, but Uncle hadn’t cared before so why would he care now. 

“Ah, but we must rest! We are not so young at you, Nephew. I am but an old man who must rest his weary joints. And Fa Zhu is not much younger than me!” Uncle winked at the man in question, who couldn’t be more than thirty. 

Fa Zhu laughed. Uncle passed out the cups he had prepared. “This is a beautiful blend of spices that will invigorate our spirits for the upcoming days!”

Zuko looked at his cup disbelievingly. He would have known if there was a tea that could actually bring energy. He took a sip and gagged at the bitter taste. 

“We must stay in pairs tomorrow. I do not want anyone to get stuck or trapped without having a way to call for assistance.” 

“I don’t need someone baby sitting me, Uncle. I can take care of myself.” Zuko was indignant. This was about him. Uncle wasn’t worried about the other five men doing something reckless, just Zuko. 

“Nevertheless, we will not wander alone. Some dark spirits may reside in these halls.” 

Uncle sipped his tea and declared that they would wait until morning before pairing off and looking around. 

——

Zuko and Li looked at the temple farthest from where they decided to set up camp. Li trailed behind Zuko, admiring the architecture instead of searching for remains of the Avatar. The building was scorched and maybe it was once something to look at, but now it was nothing more than an eyesore of a ruin. 

The Air Nomads believed in open spaces, apparently, which made looking through them easy. 

The sun high in the sky, Zuko climbed stairs leading to the second floor of the temple. This level had more rooms than the first, and Zuko pushed doors open without a care for what was behind them. 

He hadn’t given any thought when he slammed open a wooden door. The dust in the room caused him to cough and when he stepped inside, eyes adjusting to the lack of light, he froze. 

Bones filled the room, and Zuko backpedaled our of the room. In his haste he jostled Li, who had tried to follow him inside. 

Zuko pushed the older man off of him, a violent breath huffing out of him. 

“We should — need to find Uncle. It’s — it’s not right to just — to leave them like that. Even if they were savages.”

Zuko didn’t know how they were going to deal with that room. Were there more rooms like that? 

He looked at another closed door and peaked inside. 

There were more rooms like that.

——

Zuko was relieved they brought more firebenders than just him and Uncle. Even if Zuko was a pathetic excuse for a bender, he could have managed the campfire. 

He could not have managed a single large funeral pyre, let alone six. Two pyres, fed with the flames of the men that accompanied them in each courtyard. One for savages and one for Fire Nation soldiers that lost their lives against the Air Army. 

——

There were rooms full of soldiers and savages alike. 

Zuko didn’t vomit when he helped move remains to the courtyard in each building.

Zuko did volunteer to be the guard for the night. 

If the giant pyres occupied his thoughts, reminding him of another time flame filled his entire vision, well. 

Uncle brewed some jasmine tea and said it helped calm restless minds.

——

They scoured the Temple for any additional bodies. Only the inner sanctum had yet to be searched. Zuko pulled on the door and ordered the other men to aid him. 

Uncle looked on, brow furrowed. 

“Uncle, these doors are made of wood. Can you burn them so we can get access to the room?” Shame filled him at the idea of asking Uncle for help. He was an Imperial firebender, a Royal one no less, and he couldn’t summon enough flame on his own to light wood on fire. 

“Prince Zuko, the Avatar has not survived in that room for one hundred years. We should not disturb this place.” Uncle burrowed his hands in his sleeves. 

“What if there are others trapped in there, their spirits unable to cross? Uncle, we have to look!” Uncle was spiritual. Uncle would want to send lost souls to their next life. 

“See those scorch marks on the doors? I do not believe these doors have ever been breached by those who did not inhabit this temple.” 

Disgruntled, Zuko let Uncle win. 

——

After a week searching the temple, Zuko was ready to quit. The Avatar was not there. 

Uncle thought it would be a good idea dump the savages’ ashes off the bridges connecting the temples, and let the ever present wind carry them away. 

The fire nation ashes were placed in pottery that the Air Army had left behind, and buried at the base of the temple. 

The campsite was packed up and the seven men began the long trip back to the _Wani_. 

——

Four of the other five were off trying to catch a rabbit-deer. Zuko stayed behind with his Uncle. If the sailors wanted to waste their precious time and energy because they were too weak to not eat for a day, that was on them. There was enough rice to make it back to the ship, even if it was plain. 

Fa Zhu sat across the fire and focused on his knife, inspecting it for flaws. 

“Uncle?” Now was a good enough time as any to ask. Even if Fa Zhu was listening, he wouldn’t say anything about Zuko’s childish questions. Uncle liked him, and he had near impeccable taste. 

“Yes, Prince Zuko?” Iroh was calm, and had spent many of the past minutes meditating. 

“Do you think we’ll have to do that at each of the temples?” Zuko didn’t _want_ to wrap tiny skulls in dusty cloth and carry them to an inferno. He didn’t _want_ to have to finish taking care of the savages. All Fire Nation soldiers knew it was dishonorable to leave souls lost on the battlefield. If those inferior couldn’t collect their dead, it was the duty of the soldier to send the body with Agni’s blessing to the spirit world. 

The general in charge of the Eastern Air Temple must have been lazy and a coward to not finish the job. 

Uncle looked at him with sad eyes. “I do not think the Eastern Temple was treated any differently than the others, Nephew.”

Uncle ignored his tears. So did Fa Zhu.

Rule 5. _Finish what his ancestors started._

——

Back on the ship, Zuko demanded to do more than mediate with Uncle.

“I have to bend again, Uncle. I’m ready. We’ve been breathing for weeks! I kept a candle steady for nearly two hundred degrees yesterday!” Zuko raised his voice, pacing next to Uncle as he played yet another game of Pai Sho against Rizu. 

“Prince Zuko, do you think I should move the cherry-apple tile, or the badgerfrog one?” 

Zuko groaned. “What does it matter?” he snapped. At the lack of response, hoping to prompt Iroh into agreeing with his belief that he should start actually training again he offered, “The cherry-apple.” 

Uncle leaned over the board, peering at the possible placements. A few moments later, he moved the tile. Rizu frowned, looking intently at the board. Probably because he could hardly see the different tile designs. 

“Go to my quarters and bring me the mahogany-teak box.” 

Zuko fetched the box, and Uncle turned from his game and pulled out a single leaf. 

Zuko knew this exercise. Zuko failed at this exercise multiple times before his tutors were given permission to start punishing him. 

Nerves built up in his stomach. It wouldn’t be like that this time. Uncle tolerated his mediocre breathing for a over month without getting angry. He could probably burn a few leaves. 

Uncle held out the leaf. Zuko delicately held it, not sure when Uncle would suddenly light the center to see if Zuko was paying attention. 

Rizu moved a piece. 

Distracted, Uncle closed the box, then stroked his chin. Two degrees later, much to Zuko’s frustration, Uncle finally moved a tile, turning back to his nephew, who was now seated nearby. 

“I’m going to light this leaf. Do your best to keep the fire from spreading. When your breath is steady, so will be the fire.” A hole appeared in the leaf, and Zuko immediately sensed the energy as it tried to devour the rest of the leaf. He took a deep breath, trying to bring forth the calm that he had the precious day.

He did not expect it to immediately burst into flame. He jumped back, dropping the leaf onto the deck.

Uncle was already holding out a new leaf, gaze on the table. 

That one lasted two degrees before succumbing. Zuko looked at his Uncle to see if he was mad at Zuko for failing. 

Uncle was wholly focused on his game with Rizu. The only attention he paid towards Zuko was to hand him another leaf when the old one disintegrated. 

The sixth leaf lasted thirteen degrees, and Uncle won his game of Pai Sho.

Uncle demanded they celebrate with some noodles and a cup of jasmine tea.

——

“How do you know our location? All that’s here is ocean as far as the eye can see!” Zuko demanded. 

Lieutenant Jee blinked. “Pardon?”

“There’s nothing to see around here! We haven’t seen a hint of land for days. Are we lost?” If they were lost, Zuko would just scream. At least on land there were villages and rivers to guide you on the right path. 

“No, my Prince. We use the stars at night to judge our location.”

“So during the day are we just blindly going and hoping that we aren’t going in circles in this cursed water?” 

“We follow the sun.”

“You what?” This sounded like another one of Uncle’s proverbs. 

Jee repeated himself. “Firebenders can feel the sun. She makes the same path over and over across the sky. When you reach out to her, she lets you know which is east and which is west.” 

“Teach me.” Zuko ordered. If he was going to lead the ship, he was going to have to learn how it operated. Even if his crew was surly. 

Even if they did think he was an insolent brat. 

—— 

Being that aware of the sun was so _cool_. Azula would laugh and Father would be disappointed by his interest in using his bending like that, but Father was already so disappointed in him that it honestly wouldn’t matter. 

Uncle thought it was nifty, anyway, and he was the one in charge of Zuko on the _Wani_. 

——

Zuko tried not to stare at the crew when they sparred. Uncle was finally teaching him how to do more than stop a leaf from burning, and his confidence was growing. If he could be a better firebender, he wouldn’t need to know how to fight with swords anyway. 

So no, Zuko was not jealous of the soldiers that got to practice hand to hand or have sword fights. He was thirteen, not _eight_. Father would be happier if he just forgot about it anyway. It was beneath him as a Royal bender to _want_ to learn and master the skill. He shouldn’t need to use anything but his firebending. 

——

The Southern Air Temple was the same as the Eastern Air Temple. 

Zuko didn’t cry then either. 

——

He managed to create fireballs in his hands for the first time since he was banished, and the sheer relief that he wasn’t doomed to be scared of fire caused part of Zuko that he didn’t know existed to relax. 

Uncle had a piece of scrap metal painted for a target, and had Zuko throw fire at it. He had been practicing improving his depth perception with rocks whenever they were docked somewhere, but it still wasn’t great. 

The target was just free standing and he couldn’t hit it, slightly to the right and falling short each time. 

“Prince Zuko.” Uncle called. The fear from his first breathing session reared it’s head; Uncle wouldn’t be mad this session wasn’t going to plan. He wouldn’t be _mad_. 

He stalked over, trying not to appear frightened. He tried to make sure his breath was steady, but he knew he wasn’t doing a good enough job. 

“What, Uncle? I’m practicing here.” Maybe if he could just pass it off as being a bad bender, instead of being an inadequate nephew, it wouldn’t be so terrible to hear his disappointment. 

Something grabbed his left arm, and damn him Zuko couldn’t even hear it coming. His arms were pinned against his back before Zuko could do more than struggle, and the fear he had nearly convinced himself was unwarranted came back at full force. He turned his head to the right and saw a dispassionate Jee. 

“Let me go you treacherous pig! You have no right to touch me!” He jabbed his elbows toward the Lieutenant, who easily dodged the blows. Uncle wouldn’t do this. Uncle _promised_. 

He turned to face his Uncle, and stopped struggling so fiercely. He couldn’t move and he couldn’t get a deep enough breath to get Jee off with fire and Uncle was just _looking_ at him, expression blank. Zuko’s stomach clenched; he’d seen that look before on Azula’s face and _he_ was never the one who came out unscathed when she had it. Uncle didn’t _like_ his begging, per se, last time, but it had worked. 

“Uncle, Si—Sifu, I’m sorry. I— I’m trying my best and I won’t— I won’t stop today until I can do it properly, I promise you don’t have to do this.” Never mind that Zuko didn’t know what ‘this’ was. “I’ll learn! I’ll get better!” He ceased his struggling and went lax in the grip behind him. This was Sifu Iroh and before he hadn’t minded when Zuko lit a leaf on fire and shied from his own flame, but it would be stupid to think his patience was infinite. Before he had made considerable progress throughout the lesson, now he was just refusing to learn. 

Iroh just kept looking and with a shake of his head Jee released him. 

“Nephew, you are in need of a break! Come, share some tea with an old man; just watching you is making my joints ache.” Uncle turned and Zuko followed, grateful this wasn’t going to happen in front of the rest of the crewmen. 

Once in Uncle’s quarters, Zuko knelt on the cushion he typically used during their tea breaks. Today wasn’t a day to be informal. He waited. 

Uncle handed Zuko a cup. “Were you going to tell me that you cannot see or hear?” 

Zuko flushed. He had made it almost six months with his Uncle being none the wiser about the permanent damage. If he had practiced more, he wouldn’t be in this situation. 

“I didn’t want you to think you had failed in tending my face. I know you did your best. I’ve been trying to practice, really! I’ve uh, gotten better at aiming. And I know my hearing isn’t the best, but I’m learning to make up for it.” Zuko needed to work on his orating skills. His stuttering was unbecoming of a prince and the lack of conviction in his voice made him sound like a liar. 

Uncle sighed, and Zuko resisted squirming. “You are not the first person to lose your vision or your hearing. There are established techniques to compensate for injuries such as these.”

Zuko bowed his head. Father would have wanted him to figure it out on his own. No surprise Uncle didn’t want him to do that, but how was Zuko to know? 

“Nephew, how are you to grow if you won’t accept the nutrients required for life?”

Zuko stayed silent, drink untouched. He was reasonably certain that proverb didn’t require an answer. And if it did, Uncle had never been pleased with his answers before. 

“In better news, Prince Zuko! Your bending has improved much these past few weeks! I can tell that your mediation is making you steadier than ever!”

Uncle’s moods gave Zuko whiplash. 

Did lying count as breaking Rule 3?

——

After his humiliating experience with Jee, Uncle insisted he learn more hand to hand combat. In case such a scenario arose and Zuko needed to defend himself.

Zuko wanted his swords back. They were cooler. 

——

Zuko was roped into playing Pai Sho with his Uncle and was losing. Badly. Maybe winning would put Uncle in a good enough mood that he’d say yes to letting Zuko take up swordsmanship again. He knew that his bending was improving enough that Uncle might say no, might say he didn’t need it anymore, but Zuko didn’t want to lose the one thing he was actually good at. 

“Uncle?”

Iroh looked up from the board. “Yes, Prince Zuko?”

“I want to take up swords again.” Even if his swords were back at the Caldera, he still wanted to try again. 

“I never knew you stopped.” Uncle moved a tile. 

“I don’t— I don’t have my dao here.” Zuko didn’t want to ask to buy new swords. It felt greedy. The fact that he was allowed to get the first set should have been enough. He should have taken more care to not lose them.  
He didn’t even look at the tile he moved. Maybe Uncle knew of spares on board. 

The old general looked confused. “I had your swords placed in the armory on board. I’m sure I have mentioned it.”

“You—I’ll be right back.” Zuko didn’t run to the armory, but it was a near thing. Zuko had been in there since his banishment and hadn’t seen them, but there they were, hanging on the wall. 

He grabbed them and headed back to the deck. Uncle still hadn’t made a move. 

Later, Zuko brought them back to his quarters and hung them on the wall. 

——

Finding the Western Temple was harder than Zuko thought it would be. Fortune had been with them to find the Eastern and Southern Temples. 

The map to the Eastern Temple was accurate enough that they only climbed one wrong mountain. The map to the Southern Temple was flawless, minus the river, which had changed direction since the last time the Fire Nation visited the temple. 

So Uncle’s map for the Western temple should have been just as good. Zuko and his team scoured around the canyon, but no temple was to be found. 

——

It was an accident that they discovered the temple at all. Zuko was walking with the canyon to his left at the location the map said it should be and searched the surrounding forest for the ruins of the temple. 

A misstep and the ground underneath gave way, and Zuko fell into the canyon. 

Or well, he thought he fell into the canyon. He didn’t think he fell more than fifteen feet, far from some of the falls he had taken from the palace roofs. 

“Prince Zuko!” Uncle shouted. 

“I’m fine!” Finding his bearings, Zuko noticed a set of stairs leading to a cave. “Uncle! I found something!” Ignoring Uncle’s protests, Zuko stepped towards the cave. 

He lit a small flame in his palm to see the steps. Cobwebs from spider-gnats covered the cave, but Zuko could see a light at the end. He blustered through, knowing that he’d finally done it. 

He heard a _thump_ behind him. He turned and saw Fa Zhu on the shelf. When was Uncle going to learn that Zuko didn’t need to be watched all the time?

At the other side, Zuko could see that he had indeed found the temple. Excited, he stepped onto the platform and looked around. The temple appeared pristine, in much better condition than the previous two. 

Perhaps it was because no one could find the spirits cursed thing. 

He hoped there was no cleanup to be done. 

——

He wasn’t so lucky. 

——

They sailed north. The closer they got to the Northern Temple, there were more rumors of airbenders. 

Zuko was excited. _Finally_ , after nearly a year of looking, there was a lead to find the Avatar! Surely he was hiding there with his people. 

The Air Army would have cleaned up the temple after Firelord Sozin defeated them, and it wouldn’t be Zuko’s job to fix that mistake.

——

There were no airbenders. Only fakes and frauds pretending to be airbenders. 

When they finally made it up the mountain, Uncle urged him to be kind. If these people were hiding the Avatar, they were defying the Fire Nation and their glorious quest! He would be merciful, but no, he did not need to be kind. 

When he demanded to see the Avatar, the peasants acted like he had grown a second head. He and the other six men searched the Temple high and low, and found nothing that the machinist hadn’t told them about. 

“If you’re not hiding the Avatar, what did you do with the remains that were here?” Zuko demanded. 

Their leader looked nervous. “Ah, we buried them all. Over by the garden.”

That wasn’t the proper send off, but these Earth commoners had tried their best. 

——

“Nephew, the axe forgets but the tree remembers.” 

Zuko looked up from his pacing on deck. Did anything his Uncle say ever make sense? “Uncle, I’m not a tree!”

“Prince Zuko, I am simply suggesting that we not threaten each village we come across. Badger-flies are easier to catch with honey than vinegar.” First trees, now flies?

“Uncle, if you have something to tell me, just say it! Stop playing your word games and just tell me what you want!” 

——

The closer the one year mark came, the more irritated Zuko got. He practiced his swords each evening, demanding that Ming and Seema help him practice, as they were the most skilled sword fighters on the ship. 

His bending was getting better, and the techniques that Uncle suggested taught him to cover his blind side better than the meager practicing he had done before. Father wouldn’t want him to come back if he hadn’t improved beyond what he was at the Caldera. 

Father wouldn’t want him back if the Avatar didn’t come with him, but a snide voice that reminded Zuko of Azula kept lying to him. 

_The Avatar is dead, Zuko, and they’ve been dead for a hundred years. Father only gave you this mission so you wouldn’t contaminate the court._

Zuko knew, he knew, that Father only gave him this task so Zuko could prove he was fit to be the Crown Prince. Father had to petition Firelord Azulon to take Uncle’s place, and he had. He had convinced the Firelord that he was the best option. Of course he would want Zuko to do the same. 

Zuko was still loyal. He obeyed his Father first and his Guardian second. He knew what his task was.

——

“Prince Zuko, we must stop at a port soon. I know just the thing to improve morale!”

“It’s been a year, Uncle! We still haven’t found anything substantial to finding the Avatar! That’s the only thing that will improve morale on this ship!” 

“Perhaps, Nephew, but you must picture this: Music night. Seema on the drums, Rizu on the finger piano, and you on the tsungi horn!” Uncle spread his armed as though he was unveiling a masterpiece. 

“I will not play the tsungi horn! My job is to find the Avatar, not entertain the crew!”

——

On the actual anniversary, Zuko wouldn’t leave his room. A year later and all Zuko had to show for it was eighteen pyres and a crew that encouraged Uncle’s Pai Sho. 

Father would be disappointed. Father already _was_ disappointed in him, for failing to follow one simple task— to shut up. Father was so disgusted by his cowardice he banished him after branding him like a komodo rhino. 

He forced himself out of bed, and he practiced the katas he could comfortably execute in his quarters. When his stomach started growling, he resolutely ignored it. The Sages said that fasting was an important ritual to begin anew.

The Sages said that cleansing oneself was necessary in times of turmoil. 

——

It was a year into his banishment and Zuko re-evaluated the rules during his morning meditation.

Uncle refused to let Zuko skip after-dinner tea. He would follow Zuko around until he obliged. So Rule 1 wouldn’t change, probably ever, much to Zuko’s disappointment.

Uncle liked it when Zuko had opinions on what the crew did. Each time Zuko tentatively corrected what Uncle wanted to do, he grew more confident. Uncle was retired and didn’t want to run the ship. He was leaving that to Zuko. So Rule 2 didn’t apply any more.

Uncle didn’t care about Zuko respecting him. Uncle didn’t punish him when he was rude, didn’t yell at him when he disobeyed, didn’t mind when he failed at his lessons. Zuko knew Uncle was his Guardian and therefore was in charge, but Uncle never _acted_ like it. So Rule 3 didn’t matter.

The _Wani_ had a skeleton crew, just enough for two people to be sick at a time. It didn’t take long for him to learn all the weaknesses of his crew and what they considered important. So Rule 4 was obsolete, unless they acquired new members.

Uncle had given the lost spirits prayers and blessings at each of the Air Army Temples, and Zuko had finished what some lazy Generals refused to do nearly 100 years ago. Zuko was giving the search for the Avatar his best, tracking down spirit legends and trying to learn about how an Air Army soldier could hide from the Fire Nation for so long. So Rule 5 was being followed, but there was little progress.

Zuko breathed. This next year would go better, now that he had experience on the ship and hunting down spirit tales.

**Author's Note:**

> Endings are still garbage.
> 
> I think this is mostly canon compliant, except they definitely went to the Western Air Temple first.
> 
> Also I quit at the end of year one because Zuko definitely got snappier and more angsty towards years 2 & 3\. I refuse to believe that he was mean from the get go, weak from his face when the only context he has for someone in charge of him is Ozai, the dick. But I can’t write Bby!Zuko being mean to his crew so.
> 
> More installments of this series yet to come, maybe! Probably Western Air Temple Gaang reunion.


End file.
